Hi, Starbucks Coffee, I think we should see other people…

gotreal YO

This morning I leaned into my coffee cup and said ‘I love you’ and maybe I wasn’t fully awake yet but I swear I heard it say ‘I love you too’…


Needless to say, my drug of choice is coffee…my obsession with coffee boarders that of a codependent relationship. Coffee has always had my back…even when I cheated with Monster, Coke, and Red Bull, Coffee always took me back.


But now I have to give you, coffee, an ultimatum…

As much as I love and adore you, I would be wrong to not let you know that since you have been with Starbucks…you’ve changed.

When I first met you it was love at first sight…I mean I was hooked. The little left over cold creamy mouthful at the bottom of my mom’s cup was the moment I looked forward to on Saturday mornings.  You were sweet back then…


As I grew older you grew with me…We went through phases together. You’ve seen me through early morning classes and long nights of study. Iced, Hot, flavored, etc…Our relationship finally got to a point where we accepted one another for what we were…NO CREAM NO SUGAR. And then you hooked up with Starbucks and our relationship started to change.


First it started with your new stage names…Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, Solo, and Doppio…I couldn’t just ask for a Large or Extra-large anymore…even when I made the mistake a few times in the beginning I was quickly corrected and urged to “get it right”…


And as if changing your name wasn’t enough you went and changed your taste too…I thought that you and I had established an understanding…not too strong not too weak. But since you hooked up with Starbucks you have become way too strong and even have an oily film (fcuking gross dude). You got muddy and I hate that…I never thought I would see the day that I would have to ask you to mix with water. I take our relationship very seriously…and the fact that you insist on being different when you’re around Starbucks…well…it kinda hurts my heart.


I think it would be best if we didn’t meet at Starbucks anymore…we need mutual grounds if this relationship is going to work…so from now on we either meet at my house over a pastry or Dunkin Donuts…two places where I know you can be yourself and not put on a show for the hipsters…someplace where we can just talk, you know?

morning_coffee_39_photos13 morning_coffee_39_photos23

I still love you I just hate what you have let Starbucks turn you into…call me…My life is bad without you…





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